The Road to #Certifcation: Yoni Techniques and Chill, Part 2

Cover image courtesy of Malvestida Magazine.

A follow-up from my previous post, the “part two” to my quest for #certification with Intimacy Coach International had me doing advanced yoni exercises, and, as a self-imposed challenge, using a yoni egg for the first time. Previously, I only had to focus on my breathing and relax my vaginal muscles; now I had the pleasure (or pressure, considering it was “homework”) of integrating that basic technique into a variety of ways.

This is me on the days I would procrastinate doing my “homework.”

Some were obvious; one exercise was named “almost orgasm” and it was suggested I equip myself with my favorite vibrator/dildo. Other exercises integrated a relaxed yoni into more innocuous activities, like shaking my body or holding my temples. Naturally, I have my favorites — who doesn’t want to masturbate as an assignment? — but even with the non-sexual exercises, I found myself more relaxed and enjoying the process more than I had with just the basics.

I also felt more present in my body, and that’s another reason why I think I preferred the advanced exercises: as somebody whose ADHD and anxiety makes them cursed blessed with racing thoughts and a fleeting attention span on boring activities like sitting still, it was a lot easier to focus on what I was doing when my body was more involved. It became less about how much longer I had to do the exercise until the timer dropped to zero, more about enjoying the process as I did it. By extension, I learned to my body for cues of what felt the best for me in that moment.

14 pizzas (and pizza-flavored snacks) you will never eat again
Insert generic soundclip where the children go ‘yay’ because I learned something!

I didn’t just start and stop with the exercises, however. Because I pride myself on doing The Most, and because I was already curious months before even doing this program whenever I’d encounter an article on Bustle about it, I was going in.

First, picking an egg. The great thing about yoni eggs is getting to pick from a variety of materials. While there are some I don’t see as safe as others*, you have the ability to make an intimate decision about what you’d like to put inside of your vaginal canal for the sake of your sexual wellness. As a sucker for pink things and the symbolic representation of love, I went for rose quartz.

From my Instagram. I got the yoni egg from black-owned business Sugar and Sage.

Once I had the egg, I made sure to wash it in warm water with soap before using. The yoni egg I bought was drilled, meaning there holes for string if I needed to make it easier to get the egg out, or if I wanted to try resistance training.

I decided not to use the string for my first time. I was already so curious about what it’d feel like that I just went for it in the dead of night, inserting it bottom-side first as instructed by the kit. There was a small part of me that was afraid of it going “too deep” despite knowing that it was next to impossible, but that fear was quieted by the subtle-but-arousing sensation of it being in me as I tensed around it. It only took about five, maybe ten minutes of laying there with my kegel muscles pushing and pulling on it for me to end up getting turned on.

I’d also tested the egg for its more popular use, which is to leave it inside of you for a while while you do mundane things like work or sleep as it supposedly releases its “magic” and heals you from within. While less exciting, I did find it interesting how I felt while I was standing as opposed to sitting or laying — as a proud owner of a vagina that really knows how to keep a firm grip on things, I still found myself worried that the egg would try and slip out! I’m proud to report that it never did (thanks vagina), but it was harder to concentrate on what I was doing because I was more focused on clenching.

The fear subsided after a couple of more uses. I’ve found that my favorite way to involve it in my routine is to use it as a “warm-up” tool: if I want to masturbate but I’m not feeling the arousal in my body, I start with the yoni egg and let my muscles go to work. Now, I wouldn’t go so far at the end of the day to call it “groundbreaking,” but I did genuinely find that I felt more connected than ever to my yoni, and by extension, more connected to my femininity. In its own right, it’s healing for me, and I’m pretty happy that I picked this little fella up.

The Heart - Slim - Chakrubs
To continue being the most, something like the Chakrubs pleasure wand is also on my list of things to try. Or like, a rose quartz dildo. Because why wouldn’t I want to have a giant crystal dick on my altar?

*Note: Not all yoni eggs are created equally! If you’re interested in trying this for yourself, but not sure where to start, I’ve included a few resources that I found helpful during my quest. Keep in mind that some materials (like quartz) are non-porous or have low porosity, meaning they are easy to clean and won’t harbor lingering bacteria, whereas jade is a semi-porous material and more likely to harbor bacteria regardless of how well it’s cleaned. You should also try to pick a yoni egg that is GIA certified (which is just a fancy way of saying that the cut of the jewel/crystal has been graded by an independent, nonprofit organization that works separate from retailers).

Of course, the most important thing to remember is that you should always make an informed decision for yourself on what you are and are not okay with!

Resources for Picking Your First Yoni Egg

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