How I’m (About) To Quit My Job, #BLM, & Other Updates

Note: If you’re here just because you want to know resources you can get plugged into to help the #BLM protestors on the ground nationwide, I will have some resources linked under Section #3. If you can’t donate or are unable to protest, please pass these links along so others who can will see it ♥.

Update #1: Capitalism Sucks and Here’s Why I’m Quitting My Job

So.

Capitalism is a sham.

I don’t think that’s news to you, my dearest reader, and it’s not really news to me either. Nonetheless, I’m re-iterating this because I love when Capitalism has the balls to remind me about its blatant and baldfaced lies. Case in point: I applied for a voluntary furlough a few weeks ago, was accepted, and got to experience the bliss of not stressing over my inadequate and mediocre job conditions…for one week, just before being told I was needed as soon as possible.

Now, I’m not saying this because I blame any particular person for being called back. I work(ed) at a Big Name Hospital™ — resources have been stretched thin ’cause of covid-19. I also knew that in applying, I was implicitly agreeing to the fact that I could be called back at any time, so if anything, I should have known better than to try.

Buuuuuuut I tried anyway.

I can’t go into much detail yet (though I will be making a mini-series about what it’s like to transition to freelancing in the future). Just know that the plan I had in mind isn’t really different from what I’m about to do in a few days, which is to quit. I think I’m just frustrated in knowing that, despite how clear I’ve made it that my mental health has been impacted, and how clear I made it that I need to travel home to go see my family, the needs of the company supercede my wellness.

And all I have to say is: Fuck That.

Bill Lumbergh Costume Guide - DIY Office Space Cosplay
“If you could just come back to work despite how mentally unwell this dead-end job makes you, that’d be great.”

Working where I have for the last few years has eroded my sanity. Of course, you and I both know that in order to do things like pay the rent and eat, the current economic set-up demands that you trade hours of your labor in exchange for a paycheck. And there was a time where stability was the most important need I had, so I played the game.

But I’ve reached a point where I’ve squirreled away enough funds that playing now makes no sense. I also don’t think it makes much sense to keep participating when I can see how quickly it’s being unraveled by crises bigger than it. How am I supposed to show up to work and smile in a patient’s face when I know things like the planet or my people are dying?

Besides — and full bragging rights here — I know what I have to offer to the world is more meaningful than scheduling appointments. When I entered this job in 2017, I applied for an MFA program not long after, and my initial intentions were to “tough it out” and white-knuckle my way through the pain until I finished my degree. Being a Capricorn Sun (and having a Capricorn Stellium with my planetary ruler, Saturn, sitting pretty on my Midheaven), hard work and delayed gratification are my middle names. I believed I had to endure this menial torment because I had to “wait” until I started my “real” career, which will (still) involve writing poetry and teaching at the university level.

Now I know better. I don’t have to martyr myself for Capitalism. I can do all the things I’ve always wanted to do and be who I really am, like writing this post, or being a slut. I want to write erotic poetry and mentor others through their intimate journey at the same time.

The reason I’m sharing this is because I want you to know: if you have the ability to jump ship, FUCKING JUMP! Capitalism doesn’t give a shit about you. Capitalism doesn’t give a shit about your wellness, or if you have family members who miss you. You are only useful to this system if it can extract its labor from you until you die. There are so many more important things in life and you deserve to enjoy them.

Update #2: The Summer of #Dick and Prioritizing My Mental Health

I mentioned earlier that I needed to go see my family, and this is true. It just so happens that this is where my boyfriend also lives. When booking my ticket, I made it a point to give myself enough time for both them, and him, because the last time I saw him was over Valentine’s Day and that was only for a few short days. I also have my close friend-with-benefits visiting me at the end of June once I’m back.

Dick is happening back-to-back baby.

Young, Dumb and Full of Come - Wilfred Wong by Baldovino Barani for FACTORY Fanzine
This is how I want to be greeted by both of ’em.
Credit: factoryfanzine

My excitement for getting good pipe from the men I care about cannot be expressed enough through just words. Of course there is a radical aspect to this: that I’m prioritizing my happiness and my pleasure in a time of hardship matters. We are vessels made flesh and our bodies have needs that we should nurture when we can. But also just because I enjoy the experience of #divineunion and I’ve gone too long without it.

I’ve also been taking care of my mental health by taking time out to decorate my fleshy vessel. My wardrobe is getting a major update because I’ve lost weight and well, shit that fit you when you were a size 16 doesn’t work so well when you’re a size 12. Between this and dropping my job that has a “dress code,” it’s been so liberating to wear my punky, femme self on my sleeve. Thanks Venus Retrograde!

An Astro TL;DR: Venus is the planet that oversees beauty, love, and pleasure. When in retrograde (rx), Venus asks you to review your beauty routines and ask yourself: what makes me feel good about myself? What brings me joy?
Credit: @tiidatoma

Gotta say things have just been hitting differently now that I’m able really be myself. As a perpetually anxious person, I am, for once, feeling so optimistic and foolhardy right now. I’m sure that’s subject to change as the year unfolds because we are far from being out of these crises that face us as a collective, but in spite of the horrors, I have to say: this is the first time in a long time that I’ve had faith. And I think we could all use a little bit of faith right now to see us pulling through to the other side.

Update #3: Black Lives Matter and “What Can I Do to Help?”

I’m not going to use this section to go into the nitty gritty of “why” #blacklivesmatter because I would like to believe that you’re the type of reader that doesn’t need convincing on why we matter (can you imagine believing that an inanimate object like a store is more important than human lives?) So let me instead direct you to some links to follow to help promote awareness, donate, and show your solidarity.

Thinkpieces for Reading/Sharing:

In Defense of Looting
The Tricky Exceptionalism of ‘Fellow White Women’
Videos of Police Killings: What Does Seeing Black Men Die Do For You
#SayHerName: Breonna Taylor
Black Riot

Orgs That Need Your Donations:

The Minnesota Freedom Fund
Know Your Rights Camp Legal Defense Initiative
Sign the Petition and Donate to Reclaim The Block
Committee To Protect Journalists (a Black CNN News Reporter was arrested for covering the protests)
Louisville Community Bail Fund

Credit: Sabato Visconti

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